innocence

Sometimes I really miss those days where all I had to worry about was grabbing my mom's hand when I crossed the road.
Not losing her in the grocery store; freaking out about who used my crayons and broke them...
Life used to be so much simpler. Then what happened?

I was forced to grow up and mature much faster than everyone else because people kept screwing up. Parents can baby and spoil their children too much, but did you ever stop to think that maybe they push them too hard and too fast, too? That sometimes they're not ready to meet the rest of the world while they're still so young. That perhaps by doing so, you've actually ruined their life and the great future they could have had.

I hate everything about life but I still choose to wake up everyday. Can't that be good enough?

She's drunk. She's not coming home tonight. Again.

clear as a mud puddle

Once I wore all white for a change to see if I could fit in with the angels. To see if I could help people and do good. Only I'm not meant to be someone like that I suppose. I'm back to all black. White doesn't work for me and now it's clear to me why. Why I can never be an angel and why I can never change the repitition of history and what keeps happening to me.

it

"Fuck you, what you need, you can't get nothin' from me, You was talking shit now I'm somebody you would love to be, Imma do my thing until the day the reaper come for me, you can keep on grillin', Imma smile back."



                         --Smile Back, Mac Miller

ok

I'm done trying to please everyone. Go screw yourself. All I do is take hit after hit for everyone I know... I play it cool, no biggie, it never is. But every time I do something for me, they get upset. They get pissed because for once I'm happy. They get upset because they envy so much when they know nothing. I want to be me, and if you don't like it then walk away. End of story. Say bye and get over the fact that I don't chase anyone anymore.

"I don't chase after anyone. If you wanna walk out of my life then I'll hold the fucking door open for you."

                               --Wiz Khalifa

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do."

                                           --Anonymous

hidden dark

Today my friend looked me in the eye and said, "You are one tough chick."

I had to look away.

He has no idea what I feel like everyday. How cold I am and how alone I have been. I distance myself from people and lie now. I feel fake. He doesn't know that I come home and want to sleep for the rest of eternity. I want to give up. I want to cry myself to sleep every night, but I can't because I've cried so many tears I don't have anymore. I smile so much because I don't have any more tears to shed. They're all out. They're gone. Just like my heart. It disappeared. It blew up, vanished, something; all I know is that it's gone. I feel dead, but I smile everyday so no one asks questions. Once again I have messed everything up. Unlike everyone else, I'm finally done. I'm done with everything because there's nothing left for me to do. I can't look people in the eyes because then bad things happen. I can't give genuine smiles anymore because there's no reason left for me to smile. I can't think straight because my head is in a permanent fog. I cant breathe because the weight of the world is sleeping on my chest.