The Castle

Sometimes there's no where left to turn and your life seems to fall apart. I think everyone's been there. Some more than once, some go there more often than others, but it's a place in life that you just can't avoid. Your walls fall in and your castle finally crumbles. It's up to you to rebuild it.

Like wishing on a star or waiting to find the end of a rainbow, sometimes you want to give up hope. It depends on the person, but sometimes you can. Sometimes giving up hope is a better alternative. These days I don't have hope; I rely on faith. But other times destroying hope will also destroy the person. But as long as you have something to help push you back up onto your feet, you'll be fine.

You may not have materials to rebuild your castle as fast as you'd like, but the first step is establishing a design or blueprint. You have to know where you want to go in order to get to the place you want to be. Concoct a plan, and then you'll learn. You'll learn that this time around you won't be stupid enough to trust a person like that. Or perhaps you'll learn to tell when the people that mean the most are lying to you.

Whatever means you have of getting around in life, you need to keep your castle walls. If they get ruined, then build them right back up. I don't care what you want to do. You just need to keep up.

falters and fails

The thing about me is thought process. I can't talk, I fumble over words, I can't explain the point I'm trying to portray, and I usually just screw things over or mess stuff up. I just can't tell you me feelings through speech.

I find release in Writing and drawing... I found a release to express myself and make people understand what is going through my head finally. When words fail, pen and paper never hurt. I can tell you anything, say whatever I want on paper, but face to face doesn't go over well.

I can't think on the spot or find the right words, I fail at text and face to face, but give me a few minutes and I will have everything I want you to know, and everything you need to hear on a paper in front of you.  There's no limit to paper and pen.

I can't talk to you because my mind stutters. My thoughts falter. My eyes are like mirrors. You can't read me, and I'm trying my best to tell you, but I fail and fail, over and over. I can't make you believe me; I can't make you know that my feelings are 100% genuine. I can't make you trust me, and I can't make you understand what goes on in my head. All I can do is try.

assumptions

People assume too much.  'Nuff said.

wise man

"You have brains in your head,
you have feet in your shoes,
you can steer yourself
any direction you choose."

          --Dr. Seuss


Wise words from a legend.

Pay attention set your goals and you can go anywhere your heart desires. The world can be a beautiful place but only if you let it. Only if you follow your dreams and set your heart on your goal. Steer clear of what will distract you and stay on your path. If you get distracted, follow your way back. Respect those who will respect you and forget those who forget you. The only thing that will make it worth it, is what you make have some worth.

Fog

Sometimes life gets so clouded... You get so lost you can't think straight. Your emotions get tangled and then finally, with all that fog, you can't breathe. It all gets lost and the path way gets over grown. You can't see, think, hear, breathe, feel. You feel nothing because you've been lost for so long you have no sense of direction. You stop interacting with others, you stop caring. Pain becomes the only way out because at least you feel something. Even if it's a raw emotional stinging. At least it's something other than nothing.

Epiphany

The phrase "trembling under someone's touch" has a whole new meaning to me now. That uncontrollable feeling of weakness that a single person is able to give amazes me. You get it, and in the few moments after that, it just seems to multiply. Like a small shock that turns into a tidal wave as it ripples back through your body multiple times over.

I believe that there is only a single person that you can pull that feeling from. Only a single person that gives you that tidal wave of emotion. There should only be one person that can make you tremble when they reach for your hand. Only one person that can turn your knees to jelly, only one person that can make you feel like life isn't so bad after all. Only one person that can completely take away that feeling of anger and revenge, the one that can make you forget.


                                And maybe they're not so obvious.
                                                         Maybe they're right in front of you.
                                     Maybe they have been the whole time.

Lies

I try not to lie to the people I care about... I'm good about it. But sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes it has to be done for the best. Not that excuse of "I did it to protect you."  That's shit. I mean the lies where there's no other option or way out.

But at the same time I feel like my life is a lie. I don't know what I'm doing, I can't comprehend why I am the way I am, or why I feel so buried all the time. Like I need washed. Just a dirty old rag becoming something it's not. It needs a rinse to get that layer of dirt off. It needs help to become what it really is. Not some dirty, old, muddy piece of fabric. It needs to become that clean, dull, used up rag that became your best friend.

Stop covering yourself in lies, and just be what you want. No one else should give a hoot. You should be comfortable with what you want to do, and how you want to live. If you want to work fast food the rest of your life, you do that! If you want to be a dinosaur when you grow up, then you be that freaking dinosaur!

But when you get lost, you need to sit and think. You need to be able to decide for yourself. Put aside everyone else. Their thoughts, opinions, rules, options, actions, lives. You need to sit down and think for yourself. Not for the benefit of others. You need to sit there and think about what YOU want to do for a change.

The most magical person in the world. Someone sent you to make it better, and that's what you do. Like a cloud of magic floating around in a breeze of loneliness. Something sparkly in that dark corner of the basement. A flower of faith sprung on Earth, a sign of life. Just a single sign among so much death and misery. There's you.

Oh so beautiful, delicate-looking, but a wall of faith, of the unimaginable. A heart made of faith, smiles, pure magic.  There is no word that can describe you. If I tried, there would be a list of words much longer than any that exist. You are oh so perfectly you. There's no one else who comes close.

You are the one piece of inspiration no one can ignore. You touch everyone with the sense of who you are. You're an angel, but so much more than that. More special. You keep the world spinning. People moving. Most of all, you keep my head on straight and what little sanity I have left safe. I'm hanging onto the edge of a cliff, but somehow with you there it doesn't seem so bad. Like it'll all be okay.

I know I'm going to lose it when you leave.

Because

 "Everyday is a battle and you are my sanity."

                     --K.

blank

Life has to get worse before it can get better.

too

If you're in pain, then I'm in pain. That's how it works. You fall, I'll pick you up. You cut, I probably will too. You cry, I'll hold you as long as it takes. You feel lonely, I'll be there to hold your hand. When you get pissed, I'll warn everyone to stay away. That's how it is. 

                  

                               I'll be there to feel it too.

...

I have chosen to keep this blog completely anonymous to the people I know, and even to those I don't for particular reasons. When you talk about life, many people are annoyed with your "Dumb posts" or "Stupid thoughts."  But  sometimes you just need someone out there who will listen for once.



So, if you know who you are


                        I love you L.... <3



                                                   Do not ever forget that.

Too much like

More and more often, I find myself wondering if it's possible to have too many people like you. Sure, you can call all of them your friends, but what happens when they finally realize what they have? That they have you, and then all of a sudden they realize that maybe they can be happy with you, like no one else...

I've never wondered this before... But maybe, just maybe,  it's possible.

I admit on a daily basis I have people claim that they really like me and I feel like I'm being pulled limb from limb.. Sometimes people need to stop and think about how the people around them will react, not just how they, them self, will feel.

All anyone wants to do in life is fit in and be appreciated. I am here to tell you, that there are, in fact, people like me who don't want that. I don't want to fit in, I couldn't care less about what people think about me. I would rather know I'm loved by one person than be liked by a whole bunch of others.

When you have people breathing down your neck all of the time because they want to be WITH you, they want to be happy WITH you, it gets very stressful. It's like it's all one huge freaking game to see who is right. They don't care about you, they just want to be happy.

Yup

Everything may not always work out for the best, but in the end, you'll sure as hell learn one thing or another.

Help

People hurt. They hurt bad. When someone hurts the only thing you can do is be there for them. You can't fix everything, you can't make it 100% better. You can't take away their problems, you can't make life better. What you can do is let them know that you are never going to leave their side no matter what happens. That you won't give up on them.

"A best friend is someone that loves you when you forget to love yourself."

                                    --Unknown

Fate

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason, and I have yet to believe something else. Nothing has changed that thought that has been discovered. We feel pain and suffering, and happiness and excitement. Without one or the other, we would not be able to feel. I thank those who have pulled me back up when I didn't think I could get back up again. But I also thank those who have not. Without that suffering I wouldn't have found the strength inside myself to get back up when everyone else needed me. You taught me to raise my game and get over your hatred.

Everything happens for a reason, the good and the bad, but in the end you learn. You learn from the past and you learn from your mistakes. You learn from feelings and you learn from actions. You learn from life and you learn from death.

You get back up when you have no hope, and you fall even when you feel that nothing can touch you.

And when you don't, someone like me will be around to carry you back to where you're supposed to be.

More Life

Ever heard that song by Eminem called Not Afraid? If the world worked like that and we could pull each other up when we fall down it would be a better place. More strength, not as much pain... the pain would be shared and the weight would be lifted off of your shoulders.Eminem raps from experience and emotion... His words are chosen carefully and with meaning, not just a bunch of words thrown together to look cool and appeal for money... He makes money off of something true in life. That's how it should be. Or at least I think so.

?

When you run out of happiness you get lost. You don't know what to do, where to turn, who to tell. I think when your happiness disappears then you're faith and hope want to leave, too. They want to follow that happiness. I know I've lost hope... I literally do not believe in hope anymore. I've managed to hang onto my faith for now, but I can say for sure that the word hope brings me nothing but pain.