Nameless

"Pleasantly emo..." Well, that's a first. Never been called that before. But I suppose it does describe me... Let's see...

• High self restraint
• Happy
• Chill
• Laid Back
• Confident
• Thoughtful

          BUT

• Temper
• Fake smiles
• Blood lover
• Mischievous
• Hidden
• Dark

I've been called all kinds of emo... but pleasantly emo? That's something new. Yet finally it's a title that feels right when said; A descriptor that fits the object. A summary that wraps everything up; A name that for once, finally makes sense.

Being attached

It's funny how we as humans overtime  become attatched to objects in our life. Weather it's someone close to us, be a person or pet, or whether it's the dumbest object ever, admit it: We all become attatched at one point or another. But right now I realize it's only because of our actions. For instance, when we are around someone a lot we tend to grow on them. You learn about their personality, habits, likes and dislikes, until you reach the stage of attatchment. I think in the end attatchments make us or break us... They can keep us going, being the only reason we get up every morning, or tear us apart from the inside out, sending us into a dizzying spiral of emotions.

life-long dreamer

In some way everybody is trying to find their place, to accomplish the task of being themself. In my eyes, only few succeed. Being yourself means you can think for yourself. You can't let others decide for you. Making your own decisions can be the hardest part. Decisions you make can hurt you. you may choose the one that hurts the least, but often it can take you down the wrong road. Being yourself  means you need to be able to make the decisions that will affect you. You have to be able to choose what works even if it hurts. You need to be able to stand up for what you believe in  even when others try and push you down. You need to be able to dress how you want and be who you are. Being yourself doesn't mean hiding behind a mask.

Me? I know who I am. I'm a dreamer. I'm a lover. I'm beautiful. I'm the curious one. I have the heart of a child. The imagination of a 5 year old. I trust only one person completely. Fun could be my middle name but it's not because I have one already. I've been called emo, goth, scene, and even a sunshine emo. No one can read my eyes. Covering up my emotions is one of my greatest feats. I am called short. I live in Hell. But that doesn't stop me. Because at the end of everyday, there is no one else I'd rather be but me.

Because I have my dreams.

Life

What is life?

Sometimes I just sit around and ask myself this question. I don't know the answer, but I think about it anyway.
Life is big.

When I sit there and taste the words that form this question it feels like I'm disappearing. I get lost in my head and it's literally as if I don't exist. Like I still see and hear and think, but it's from someone elses eyes. As if I took a soul and that's all I become.
I become a part of something new but I'm not afraid, I'm just curious.
Because what is life?

This question is only one I can pretend I know the answer to. It has an impossible definition that cannot be captured using words or pictures or definitions or explinations. It can't even be explained by describing it with itself.

So what is life?

The most amazing feeling in the world is loving someone and being loved back. And when it's strong enough you feel nothing else but that warmth in the pit of your stomach. It makes everything okay again. Makes you feel like you're standing on top of the world. Like magic pulsing through your heart.

No Hope here

Hope is like walking on broken glass.


It leads to false promises and broken dreams, and then rips your life from you. Or just really hurts when it cuts you...

Just a blob of numbness, all alone and feeling absolutely nothing.


I don't believe in hope.
But I do have faith.
I have faith and dreams and strength...
and a best friend.


Because I can live without a man.
I can live without hope.
I've walked on glass.  (and literally have the scar lol)
And I didn't need hope to help me.
I just needed to believe.
Believe in myself.

I just needed to wake up and realize what I had before it got taken away. So I did.
And I know I did something right...
Cause I ended up with what I have.

I have you fool.  ^_^

WHOOP WHOOP

Thanks sooooo much for the ton of new page views! Wow you  guys completely made my day  XD

Y-O-U

I used to wish for things I didn't have. But then I realized none of it mattered. So I started wishing I could be happy. Only this time I think someone was paying attention...

Because then I met you.

You take away the pain, you make me happy. I mean, for god's sake I smile every single freaking time you text me. I don't do that to anyone else.

And sometimes I wonder if it could be you... But then I realize my whole past has been based on lies and broken hearts. But for some reason I trust you. You seem different. I know I say that about every guy I've dated but it's true. You're way different. You don't like me for my looks. Yeah, I've been called pretty. But you see my personality you fool. You don't give me butterflies like every other guy. You make me go insane instead. You make me jittery, excited, ecstatic even. Like a huge adrenaline rush, piping hot, flying through my veins. I can't be sure if it's just you or if I just haven't felt happy in so long.

I just know. I know something is different this time.

Something new.
Something strange
Fool.

And then happiness has been found at last. 

;)

I wrote this for you,
because you seem blue,
or maybe you just need a song.

It's not the latest,
It's not the greatest,
But maybe you'll still still sing along.

I can explain,
cause I have no shame,
These feelings are truly for you.

I was confused before,
but now it's for sure,
these feelings you give are so new.

From the very start,
You had stolen my heart,
And I haven't seen it since.

But it's ok,
I threw the fears away,
you came along just like a prince.


~Angel with a shotgun~

Love?

Each time we date someone we go into the relationsip thinking they could be the one... We think we know it in our hearts, that each time around we're going to grow up and live happily ever after. But the coffee is calling! Wake up and smell reality! Even the person you're with right now may not be your soul mate (yes I believe that everyone has that one person out there looking for them).

But on the offchance that they are, hold onto them... even if you fight 24/7 or even if you dont agree on everything... keep them. Cause no one ever knows what they have until it's walked out of their life.

I myself  have just recently entered a new relationship and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me so far. No one is perfect... but if your partner tells you you're perfect it's not because they're lying... it's because your imperfections are what make you so perfect in their eyes.

It's everything they see, everything they can see without the make up. Someone that makes you feel like no other. Like the world could end at any second, and as long as you're with that person it doesnt matter. Cause you could sit there with that person forever and ever, just being content with the fact that they care so much about you and that they dont ever want to let you go. Because you know you are wanted, needed, and loved, and at the end of the day no one will make you happier than that one person.

Life Update

Being tired overwhelmes the soul.
There's so much to do and so little time...
Or so it seems...

Parents just don't understand.

In life, all we do is play by their rules, do what they tell us to, what they think is best.
But you can't always listen to them. Cause if you do they could end up majorly screwing up your life. Yeah, there's a reason we're human: WE WERE MADE TO MAKE MISTAKES.


So touche'. Knowing that life will never be perfect is hard to except. Especially when you're coming out of the little kid stage. There's guys/girls, drama, homework, the works...   -_-
Unfortunately all of these things it seems brings more pain than necessary. You can only just hope for the best and keep on truckin'.

Someone asked me why I smile so much. You know what I said? I said "Because I don't have any tears left in me to cry."



And honestly, I can tell you I have no clue when the last time I cried was... I don't remember. It's sad when that happens... too many tears to the point of no return... literally, you cry yourself dry. One day you finally wake up to reality and realize that when someone decks you, no, it doesnt hurt. When you break a bone?  Hmm... no tears anywhere to be found. When that one thing happens and you dont feel anything you become mutually numb.

And honestly I do find this quote a bit ironic... I used to smile all the time to hide the pain. Fake smiling? You will not meet anyone more trained with that skill than the chick behind the computer screen typing what you are reading right now. I'm the best at that, but at the same time I barely ever smile on a regular basis anymore. It's like I'm two completely different people at once, with pissiness and depression dominantly showing. Fake smile? No one can tell that it's fake... fake happiness? Pshh you couldnt spot it in a million years in my face.


When you sit down and face the facts your life has ended when you hit the completely-numb-for-the- rest-of-your-life-stage. Because breathing doesn't mean you are truly living. And you can't truly live unless you know all emotions. Being pissed all the time just doesn't cut it.

Heart Break?

          Everyone hopes for that special someone. That one person in the whole wide world that they will love and cherish for the rest of their lives. What we don't know is when they will appear or come along, wander into our sight or pass us by and find somebody else. We will never be able to tell who that person will be and when they will come until we take a chance and risk it all. Risk it all in the hopes of being happy; risk it all for something that will only make us blind and cause us great pain; Risk it all in the hopes in love.

                                         But is it worth it?

           Is it worth all the pain of living and then dying more each time we lose part of our heart and continue, stuggle even, to move on to what we think will be the rest of our lives? Moving on, picking up the fractured pieces of our hearts and looking for the right one?

          When we come across the right person, will they stay by our side, or will they wander off, making us chase after them to show our love, appriciation, and devotion? Will we be able to tell if they're using us? Or will they find us and make everything better? Could they patch up the holes in our hearts, put everything back into place, perhaps even make us forget? Forget the times of pain, of deep sorrow? Of mourning? Of loss? How will we know when we find the other half? Will it click into place? Maybe you'll know. Maybe in that ripped up, old, worn down, heart of yours there is a chance of happiness. Maybe a light shines within the presence of darkness.

First Impressions

I'm new to this... forgive me if I screw this up or something, I seem to screw a lot of things up. Either way, first time as a blogger, so much to say, but no beginning anywhere in sight, so I'll make one.

First Impressions.

First Impressions are everything.. let's face it.. How many of us are actually satisfied with our first impressions? I'm almost never satisfied with mine. I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself, but it seems I've been more and more withdrawn from the world around me: Reality in general. I can't stay focused, and I let my mind drift away from what matters... So how's that for a first impression?

I've been called everything from a preppy emo to goth, although I seem to take up a category all my own. So you may be judging me right now, or you could be thinking what does this chick have to offer?

Even if this is the worst First Impression you have heard in your whole freaking life, all I ask is a chance to prove to you that I can make a difference in a world that seems to be filled with failure.


Because my first impressions may seem like crap to you, but then again you don't know me, now do you?