Epiphany

The phrase "trembling under someone's touch" has a whole new meaning to me now. That uncontrollable feeling of weakness that a single person is able to give amazes me. You get it, and in the few moments after that, it just seems to multiply. Like a small shock that turns into a tidal wave as it ripples back through your body multiple times over.

I believe that there is only a single person that you can pull that feeling from. Only a single person that gives you that tidal wave of emotion. There should only be one person that can make you tremble when they reach for your hand. Only one person that can turn your knees to jelly, only one person that can make you feel like life isn't so bad after all. Only one person that can completely take away that feeling of anger and revenge, the one that can make you forget.


                                And maybe they're not so obvious.
                                                         Maybe they're right in front of you.
                                     Maybe they have been the whole time.

Lies

I try not to lie to the people I care about... I'm good about it. But sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes it has to be done for the best. Not that excuse of "I did it to protect you."  That's shit. I mean the lies where there's no other option or way out.

But at the same time I feel like my life is a lie. I don't know what I'm doing, I can't comprehend why I am the way I am, or why I feel so buried all the time. Like I need washed. Just a dirty old rag becoming something it's not. It needs a rinse to get that layer of dirt off. It needs help to become what it really is. Not some dirty, old, muddy piece of fabric. It needs to become that clean, dull, used up rag that became your best friend.

Stop covering yourself in lies, and just be what you want. No one else should give a hoot. You should be comfortable with what you want to do, and how you want to live. If you want to work fast food the rest of your life, you do that! If you want to be a dinosaur when you grow up, then you be that freaking dinosaur!

But when you get lost, you need to sit and think. You need to be able to decide for yourself. Put aside everyone else. Their thoughts, opinions, rules, options, actions, lives. You need to sit down and think for yourself. Not for the benefit of others. You need to sit there and think about what YOU want to do for a change.

The most magical person in the world. Someone sent you to make it better, and that's what you do. Like a cloud of magic floating around in a breeze of loneliness. Something sparkly in that dark corner of the basement. A flower of faith sprung on Earth, a sign of life. Just a single sign among so much death and misery. There's you.

Oh so beautiful, delicate-looking, but a wall of faith, of the unimaginable. A heart made of faith, smiles, pure magic.  There is no word that can describe you. If I tried, there would be a list of words much longer than any that exist. You are oh so perfectly you. There's no one else who comes close.

You are the one piece of inspiration no one can ignore. You touch everyone with the sense of who you are. You're an angel, but so much more than that. More special. You keep the world spinning. People moving. Most of all, you keep my head on straight and what little sanity I have left safe. I'm hanging onto the edge of a cliff, but somehow with you there it doesn't seem so bad. Like it'll all be okay.

I know I'm going to lose it when you leave.

Because

 "Everyday is a battle and you are my sanity."

                     --K.

blank

Life has to get worse before it can get better.

too

If you're in pain, then I'm in pain. That's how it works. You fall, I'll pick you up. You cut, I probably will too. You cry, I'll hold you as long as it takes. You feel lonely, I'll be there to hold your hand. When you get pissed, I'll warn everyone to stay away. That's how it is. 

                  

                               I'll be there to feel it too.

...

I have chosen to keep this blog completely anonymous to the people I know, and even to those I don't for particular reasons. When you talk about life, many people are annoyed with your "Dumb posts" or "Stupid thoughts."  But  sometimes you just need someone out there who will listen for once.



So, if you know who you are


                        I love you L.... <3



                                                   Do not ever forget that.

Too much like

More and more often, I find myself wondering if it's possible to have too many people like you. Sure, you can call all of them your friends, but what happens when they finally realize what they have? That they have you, and then all of a sudden they realize that maybe they can be happy with you, like no one else...

I've never wondered this before... But maybe, just maybe,  it's possible.

I admit on a daily basis I have people claim that they really like me and I feel like I'm being pulled limb from limb.. Sometimes people need to stop and think about how the people around them will react, not just how they, them self, will feel.

All anyone wants to do in life is fit in and be appreciated. I am here to tell you, that there are, in fact, people like me who don't want that. I don't want to fit in, I couldn't care less about what people think about me. I would rather know I'm loved by one person than be liked by a whole bunch of others.

When you have people breathing down your neck all of the time because they want to be WITH you, they want to be happy WITH you, it gets very stressful. It's like it's all one huge freaking game to see who is right. They don't care about you, they just want to be happy.