Done for

Today I just sat. I just sat there and listened to the sound of my tears hitting the floor. I messed up. I can't fix it. It will never be fixed. Not even if I say the magic words.

I just sat there and listened to my own pathetic whimpers and the slap of tears as they hit the ground. My vision was blurred and I couldn't see anything but a white cloudiness. I couldn't think. I didn't want to breathe. My nose ran. My eyes, for once in the mirror I finally saw all of the pain.

 I didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about the cuts. About the scars. About waking up and having to deal with it all over again.
And knowing that no one cares. That you cared with all your heart and now it's gone. Knowing that you can't save anything anymore. Knowing that everything has fallen to shreds. Knowing that and not even having to think about it when you're sitting there curled up on your bathroom floor.

That's the worst part.
 You don't have to think anymore to realize how bad the pain is. It's just always with you.

You can't fix it.
You can't get rid of it.
You can't block it.
You hide behind a mask.
Everyday.
Hoping that the end will be nearer than what you expected as a child.
Wanting the pain to go away.
Because your dreams all came crashing down.
And because of what you did, you know you are too.
You're done for.