hidden dark

Today my friend looked me in the eye and said, "You are one tough chick."

I had to look away.

He has no idea what I feel like everyday. How cold I am and how alone I have been. I distance myself from people and lie now. I feel fake. He doesn't know that I come home and want to sleep for the rest of eternity. I want to give up. I want to cry myself to sleep every night, but I can't because I've cried so many tears I don't have anymore. I smile so much because I don't have any more tears to shed. They're all out. They're gone. Just like my heart. It disappeared. It blew up, vanished, something; all I know is that it's gone. I feel dead, but I smile everyday so no one asks questions. Once again I have messed everything up. Unlike everyone else, I'm finally done. I'm done with everything because there's nothing left for me to do. I can't look people in the eyes because then bad things happen. I can't give genuine smiles anymore because there's no reason left for me to smile. I can't think straight because my head is in a permanent fog. I cant breathe because the weight of the world is sleeping on my chest.