Sunday, February 10, 2013

A lost voice

Today I woke up without a voice. My voice disappeared and all I can do is cough. The great thing is I don't really mind. Sure, the coughing and burning throat sucks, but without my voice it is honestly harder to screw things up.

I can talk through so many different ways, it seems, just as long as I'm not directly talking. When I use words I  screw so many things up. But if I put them on paper, if I rearrange them into a picture, if I add music, it works. They understand me. But if I have to think too fast, I stumble over my own words and screw it up even worse. I don't know why I can't think in front of people when they want me to... it's too much right then and there, if that happens to make any sense.

My words get jumbled up in my mouth and then they decide to come out in a single landslide, no matter how bad they sound. They just hate me. A poem you can go back and edit. In the spur of the moment, words come out all at once and one chance is all you get.

Maybe that's why. Maybe expectations are too high these days. Maybe people don't think or believe enough. Maybe one chance isn't enough. Or maybe one chance is all you need and others should get used to having to live up to higher standards.

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