Breathing

I screw lives over, I mess things up. Everything I touch seems to die, even if I avoid it so it doesn't happen in the first place. I break hearts, I rip out feelings,  make monsters. I make people cold hearted just like myself. I can't do anything right and now I'm lying to people I care about just to make them happy. Suddenly me being myself isn't good enough anymore. It seems impossible to have someone like me for the real me. If I open my mouth to say one thing, someone always happens to be there to judge me. My friend found out my middle name and all they did was sit there and laugh at me. My ex used me to get to them... and you know what they did? They sat there and made fun of me. Some great world this is. -_-  Just freakin' amazing. No wonder no one wants to live anymore. You can't live when everything just feels like death all the time.

When people are crying and the innocent are dying. When the world is always fighting against itself and no problems ever get resolved. When someone tries to be happy but everyone just amplifies their pain instead. When people try to make you laugh but you want to curl up under a rock and die. When you have to hold back the tears every morning as you wake up because your life couldn't get any worse. When you paste a fake smile on everyday just to make other people happy. When you finally glue on that mask of fake shit because no one will leave you the hell alone when you seem down. Because the world doesn't understand.

But today I learned that there is a single person who does understand.... They may not be alive now, but just knowing they understand who you are can help.

Today I felt like I could breathe for the first time in my life. I could actually breathe. I didn't have to fake anything. I still had to hold back tears, but they were tears of relief, not tears of pain. Because I know that someone actually understands how to fix all of it. How to fix what others are too stupid and blind to see. The blind man sees much more than any person with eyes ever could.

I had almost forgotten what breathing felt like.