Warm Shell, Cold Heart

I want to enfold you in my arms and keep you safe. But it's not so much you as I need safety myself. When I reach for you, you become so far, and yet you grasp my hand so close. Our hearts could connect but if only the castle around mine could be free. If only it didn't have a dreary fog and snaking vines wound around the heavy air.  My heart sags and seams pop when your image appears in my head. I remember your blue eyes, so vibrant, even when tears attempt to drown them. I remember your smile, quirky and tugging at the corners of my own lips. But yet I stay oh so sad. I remain trying to understand the mystery of how happiness could bring so much sadness at the expense of smiles combining with tears. I want to enfold you in my arms and melt into you so we will protect each other. Your memory sears into my head until your arms have the chance to sear into my sides every evening. To make me feel enclosed and safe but cold and alone like the heavy stone that drops into my stomach. Moss covered and looking for light to warm up. The golden rays of your blonde hair warming only the water in my eyes.