Someone asked me why I smile so much. You know what I said? I said "Because I don't have any tears left in me to cry."



And honestly, I can tell you I have no clue when the last time I cried was... I don't remember. It's sad when that happens... too many tears to the point of no return... literally, you cry yourself dry. One day you finally wake up to reality and realize that when someone decks you, no, it doesnt hurt. When you break a bone?  Hmm... no tears anywhere to be found. When that one thing happens and you dont feel anything you become mutually numb.

And honestly I do find this quote a bit ironic... I used to smile all the time to hide the pain. Fake smiling? You will not meet anyone more trained with that skill than the chick behind the computer screen typing what you are reading right now. I'm the best at that, but at the same time I barely ever smile on a regular basis anymore. It's like I'm two completely different people at once, with pissiness and depression dominantly showing. Fake smile? No one can tell that it's fake... fake happiness? Pshh you couldnt spot it in a million years in my face.


When you sit down and face the facts your life has ended when you hit the completely-numb-for-the- rest-of-your-life-stage. Because breathing doesn't mean you are truly living. And you can't truly live unless you know all emotions. Being pissed all the time just doesn't cut it.